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24 August 2008 @ 12:04 am
[YooSu] I've Been Dying Everyday Since Then  
Title: I've Been Dying Everyday Since Then
Author: Kate
Pairing: Yoochun x Junsu, Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence, Psycho!Su XD;
A/N: This... came out of nowhere. XD;;; I randomly remembered watching a movie when I was little and it was kinda disturbing but interesting (at least, for me. XD) but I forgot the title. So yeah, this came out. This piece is my darkest (and longest!) to date. :) Thank you to onew and yumeyana for beta-ing this for me. *huggles* ♥ Comments and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. ^_^
Summary: Junsu's tired of losing everything he loves.



Junsu is three when his father leaves his mother. He hides under the dining table as he watches his mother scream hysterically at his father who is already halfway out the door, suitcase in hand. Junsu is scared and confused because his mother is crying and broken and where is his daddy going? He hears a sniff come from behind him and he turns around, finding Junho in his own hiding place behind the counter, tears streaming down his face.

Junsu runs to his brother and hugs him, whispering encouraging words to his ear, smiling.

He has always been told that his smile could brighten up a room and even though he doesn't get what they mean by it, he does it anyway.

*

When Junsu is ten, he sits by his mother's hospital bed. His little hand grasps hers tightly, Junho with her other one. Junsu looks up to his mother - his strong, independent mom who has raised them while working three jobs and has never complained once. She has worked at odd hours but has still found the time to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss. Junsu keeps on insisting he's already a big boy but always smiles against his pillow, face buried in it as his mom closes the door, the same smile (albeit a bit watery around the edges) he gives her as she takes her last breath and squeezes Junsu's hand for the last time. He hears Junho sob at the opposite side, their grandmother consoling him from behind.

Junsu keeps on smiling, unshed tears brimming in his eyes.

*

Junsu is seventeen when Junho announces he's moving out. He and his girlfriend, Yoomi, have decided to live together after dating for a couple of years. Junsu watches as his brother stuffs the last of his boxes in Yoomi's car. He wants to help but doesn't, opting to wait by the car beside Yoomi and watch as his brother takes his things; every article of clothing, every piece of furniture he owns, everything Junho, unknowingly breaking a piece of Junsu's heart as well.

Junho hugs his younger brother after he finishes his task, reminding him to take care of himself and whispering I'll miss you in his ear. Junsu wraps his arms around Junho, assures him that he'll be just fine and whispers I'll miss you too.

He waves goodbye as they drive off, a bright smile on his face.

Junsu waits for them to take a turn around the corner before he turns around and walks back towards their -- no, his house.

*

On the eve of his twentieth birthday, he invites everyone he knows and throws a party at his house. Junsu squeals as his brother walks through the door, hand-in-hand with Yoomi. He leads them to the kitchen where all the food and booze are, leaving them there as they get in line for a turn with the keg. He goes back to the living room to turn up the volume of the music higher – Junsu likes his music loud. He doesn't worry about disturbing his neighbors since they're all there as well.

Junsu's eyes crinkle in amusement as he witnesses Jaejoong dance drunkenly on top of his coffee table, the drink in his hand splashing on everyone around him. He laughs as Jaejoong turns to him and grabs his arm from the crowd to join him. Junsu indulges his friend and climbs beside him, throwing his hands out in the air and dances the night away.

"I'm gonna go get a drink," he shouts in Jaejoong's ear after a few minutes, wanting to be heard over the catcalls, whistles and happy birthdays yelled randomly by his guests. Jaejoong nods in acknowledgement and goes on to find a new victim from the crowd.

Junsu steps down and fights his way through the crowd towards the kitchen, his throat parched from all that dancing - if you can call it that - when he hears a low, gravelly, almost sensual voice behind him.

"You have a beautiful smile."

Junsu turns around and sees warm brown eyes coupled with a warm smile. The clock chimes, almost ironically, and everyone around him creates more ruckus.

Junsu is twenty when he meets Park Yoochun.

*

He doesn't know how they get to his room, the sounds from downstairs muffled by the locked door. He doesn't know why he's on his own bed being fucked senseless by a guy he has just met.

Junsu doesn't really kiss on the first date, much less have sex on the first meeting, and he thinks he might be a bit drunk to be doing this. But there's something about Yoochun that pulls him in, makes him heady and irrational and wanting.

Yoochun thrusts inside him, making Junsu groan against Yoochun's shoulder and biting the sensitive flesh below his ear. Junsu traces circles on Yoochun's back, buries his hands on Yoochun's hair and pushes him down for a hungry kiss. Junsu writhes underneath Yoochun - urging the other to go faster, harder - and gasps as Yoochun's thrusts becomes just that.

White flashes beneath his eyelids as he comes, his nails embedding themselves on Yoochun's back. Junsu can't remember the last time he has felt like this - the last time he let himself feel like this.

The smell of sex hangs in the air as they lay panting with Yoochun still deep within Junsu. A few minutes and their breathing returns to normal, Yoochun pulls out of him and starts gathering his clothes. Junsu doesn't say a word as he pulls his pants up; instead he stares at the long, red lines marring the smooth skin of Yoochun's back until Yoochun put his shirt on and turns around.

The warm smile is back in place as he leans down and kisses Junsu softly.

"Happy birthday, babe," Yoochun whispers against his lips, his breath tinged with alcohol, making Junsu thirsty all over again.

Yoochun leaves the room, leaves Junsu on the bed with his mouth slightly open and winks, with a promise of seeing each other again with a slight quirk of his mouth.

*

A few days after his birthday, Junsu learns that Yoochun is Jaejoong's friend. He goes over to Jaejoong's house almost every afternoon, asking everything about Yoochun. Jaejoong just laughs while answering each of Junsu's questions and pats his head fondly. He thinks it’s cute that Junsu is so excited, so eager to know more about his friend since he has never seen his neighbor like this before.

*

A week later, Junsu sees Yoochun again. Or rather, the other way around.

Yoochun pokes his cheek as Junsu looks up from the book he’s reading. His eyes open wide as saucers as his mind registers who’s in front of him, perfect teeth blinding him, friendly, brown eyes returning his gaze.

Junsu remembers – the skin under his nails, the taste of alcohol in Yoochun’s tongue, the white-hot searing below his stomach as he comes – and instantly flushes pink, looking down and avoids Yoochun’s eyes.

The other man chuckles softly and suddenly grabs him by the arm, making Junsu squeak in surprise, dragging him to a nearby coffee shop. “It’s our first date,” Yoochun announces unexpectedly. Junsu just gapes behind him, tries to free his hand from Yoochun’s grip but fails, and just holds on instead.

*

This time they end up in Yoochun’s house.

Junsu cries out as Yoochun takes him from behind, bent on Yoochun’s living room couch. He feels blindly behind him, touching everywhere his hand can reach. He moans loudly, resting his forehead on his arm as Yoochun reaches out and grasps him, fucking Junsu with his hand in front and with his cock at the back.

Yoochun bends down, causing more friction and deeper contact, making Junsu groan his name out loud, his breath sending shivers down Junsu’s spine. He leaves butterfly kisses all over Junsu’s back, licking here and there and bites down on Junsu’s shoulder as they both come.

*

Junsu is twenty and a half when he falls in love.

*

He smiles excitedly as he thanks the cashier and leaves the store. Today is exactly a year since he and Yoochun got together. Junsu puts the necklace in his pocket for safekeeping and walks down the street, humming all the while.

Junsu stops in his tracks as he sees Yoochun on the other side. His eyes light up and start to call out to him when he notices the girl standing a few inches away. Yoochun’s name dies out from his lips and he just stands there, mind blank, his whole body numb. Yoochun kisses her like there’s no tomorrow and Junsu takes a step backward. He bumps an elder passerby and it snaps him out of his trance. Junsu smiles apologetically at the old man and walks away, one hand inside his pocket.

*

Junsu is twenty one when he gets his heart broken.

*

That night, he lets Yoochun in his house like nothing happened. They have a romantic dinner, playing footsie every once in a while under the table, smiling at each other across the table.

He lets Yoochun fuck him like always – moaning and writhing and begging for more; lets Yoochun take him – his body, his heart, his whole being.

As they lay, spent, on his bed, Junsu takes his spot under the crook of Yoochun’s neck and sighs, tracing circles on Yoochun’s stomach. He asks nonchalantly, “Do you love me?” and Yoochun laughs in response.

“Of course, babe,” he says, squeezing Junsu’s hand gently and slightly moves out of his touch. He climbs out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Yoochun turns around and winks invitingly at him before going inside.

Junsu waits for the sound of the shower before he smiles to himself and reaches under the bed.

*

He hears a knock on his door and upon opening it, finds Jaejoong fidgeting worriedly in front of him.

“Do you know where Yoochun is?” he asks after accepting Junsu’s invitation to come in.

Jaejoong explains they were supposed to meet a few days ago but Yoochun never showed up. He says he has left a few messages on Yoochun’s cell phone but hasn’t gotten a reply yet, which is totally uncharacteristic of Yoochun.

Junsu calmly pats Jaejoong’s arm and informs him that he knows where Yoochun is and assures his friend that Yoochun is quite alright. Jaejoong is about to ask him what happened when he hears something that sounds heavy, fall. He turns around to the direction of Junsu’s room and looks back at his friend.

Junsu just shakes his head and mouths, “It’s nothing” when another sound makes its way to the living room. Jaejoong feels something is not right and without a word, stands up and walks towards the said room. He doesn’t hear Junsu’s footsteps behind him.

Jaejoong opens the door and stares, horrified, at the sight before him. There is blood everywhere – the walls, the bed, Yoochun – and Jaejoong gags as the strong smell of iron hits his nostrils.

Yoochun turns to look at him, gagged, drenched in blood and sweat, tears streaming down his face. His hand reaches out for Jaejoong, trying desperately to move but can’t.

Jaejoong runs towards his friend, only to trip on something on the way. He looks down at the blood-stained floor and vomits. Yoochun’s legs are not supposed to be there.

Jaejoong turns around and finds Junsu standing still in the doorway, seemingly content as he takes in the scene unfold.

“WHY?!” Jaejoong screams, drowning out Yoochun’s violent sobs behind him.

“I’m tired of being left behind,” comes the answer.

And Junsu smiles.


---
23.08.08
 
 
Current Mood: giddygiddy
 
 
 
rikariot on August 23rd, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
first?
rikariot on August 23rd, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
omfg!!
a] i love you very much
b] omg! is it weird i find psycho!su kinda hot.

Jaejoong opens the door and stares, horrified, at the sight before him. There is blood everywhere – the walls, the bed, Yoochun – and Jaejoong gags as the strong smell of iron hits his nostrils.

Yoochun turns to look at him, gagged, drenched in blood and sweat, tears streaming down his face. His hand reaches out for Jaejoong, trying desperately to move but can’t.

Jaejoong runs towards his friend, only to trip on something on the way. He looks down at the blood-stained floor and vomits. Yoochun’s legs are not supposed to be there.

Jaejoong turns around and finds Junsu standing still in the doorway, seemingly content as he takes in the scene unfold.

“WHY?!” Jaejoong screams, drowning out Yoochun’s violent sobs behind him.

“I’m tired of being left behind,” comes the answer.

And Junsu smiles.


this killed me

i'm sorry i can't even form a good comment.


just know i love it(:
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rikariot on August 26th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
eve.....(^-^)akameluver716 on August 23rd, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
dang....creepy but i like it! wow! :D
ケイト: DBSK // JunSu // Last Angel PVkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)
thank you for reading~! glad you liked it~ ^__________^
swallowttswallowtt on August 23rd, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC)
omg...now i'm scared for jae. run jae! freaky. wonderful writing, dear. ^__^ luv it.
ケイト: DBSK // Junsu <3keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:35 pm (UTC)
*grabs jae and hides him from psycho!su* XDDD

thank you for reading bb~ <3
レーザ。onew on August 23rd, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)

i've already told you this, but i'll say this again - this is awesome, kate. ♥
ケイト: SHINee // JongHyun <3keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
thank you, ree~ *o* ilu~ ♥
making the world whiter and darkerichnelle on August 23rd, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
so coincidentally how i feel like su right now. . . you're not inspiring me to do so are you? *pokes*

great story, i always guessed that behind the bright, sunny smile, junsu has a very dark side in him. you portrayed it good. ♥
ケイト: DBSK // Junsu // as;dlf 8Q_keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
*ish poked* D: *huggles j00*

behind the bright, sunny smile, junsu has a very dark side in him.

exactly. i'm glad it came across that way.

thank you for reading~! ^_____________^♥
シャ-ミアンshiyamian on August 23rd, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
very very very good till the very very last.

omg, love.
ケイト: pic#75775286keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
^///^ thank you! ♥
Meerotic.: Yoosu: Come here babeenkhgerel on August 23rd, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
OMG. OMG. OMG.
WOW.
That was unexpected.
Psychooooooooooooooooo. Now i have the image stuck on my head (you're good).
ケイト: DBSK // YooSu ♥keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
oh noes. *showers you with aegyo!su* :D

thank you for reading bb~! ♥
lucky sundaysenbonsakura on August 23rd, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
wow... powerful!
ケイト: DBSK // Junsu // as;dlf 8Q_keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:42 pm (UTC)
kya. first time someone commented that about something i wrote. *o*

thank you for reading~! ^________________^♥
it`s your love, your love: yoosu; you got me breathlessimaii on August 23rd, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
omg. fucking shit. omg omg omg. i'm so sorry for the profanity but fuck!!! fuck!! you've done it so well, it's sooooooooo good, no, it's better than good. way beyond that. that was crazy but sooooooo perfect. the ending, OMG! and your words are so smooth and, ughh i dunno what else to say hahaha lol. soo good & powerful♥
ケイト: DBSK // YooSuMinkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
homfg i made you cuss. *twirls* XDDD

gah. ^///^ i'm glad you liked it~! thank you for reading bb~~~ ♥
Xtinenewradgirl on August 23rd, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
Fucking awesome. I love every word, every emotion. damn! The ending is just perfect.

Psycho!Su is sexy :x
ケイト: DBSK // Junsu jf;aslkdfkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:46 pm (UTC)
*o* thank you~! i'm glad you liked it~! <333

teehee. yes he is, isn't he. until he cuts off your limbs. XDDD
hannahsu~xiahki on August 23rd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
Wow! This is really dark and insane but I love it at the same time, is that strange?
I want to quote things back to you but I'm running short on time at the moment ... D:
Anyways, I was thinking, that reminds me a lot of the movie Audition? It's a Japanese horror movie? I dunno if it's the one you referred to, but I found it very interesting as well.
Either way, I loved this. &hearts
ケイト: DBSK // YooChun <3keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
aaah~! i haven't watched that movie yet but i've heard about it. (thanks for reminding me, i need to dl it. XD) actually the movie that i was referring to is an english movie titled boxing helena. :D

gah. i'm glad you liked it~! *________* i'm a big fan of your yoosu fics. ♥

thank you for reading~! :3
(no subject) - xiahki on August 24th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xiahki on August 25th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 25th, 2008 11:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xiahki on August 25th, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 26th, 2008 11:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xiahki on August 26th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 28th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
usagi_barausagi_bara on August 23rd, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
So... dark.

But I like it!

<3~
ケイト: DBSK // Kim Jaejoongkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
aaah~ glad you liked it! ^_________^

thank you for reading~ <3
Bee Jayoldwillow_brook on August 23rd, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
Holy Shit.

Holy freaking Shit.

OH.My.God.

I. Have No idea what to say.

You said something about pyscho!Su and I didn't take you seriously but HOLY SHIT! I...Man people haven't been writing psycho TVXQ and you come out with THIS!

JEEEEEEZZZ!! This was so good. I just....Holy Crap.

lakskdjadjk! I am incoherent.
ケイト: DBSK // YooSu ♥keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
gah. i made you incoherent. a;lsdjfkal;ksd *glompz j00* XD

thank you for reading bb~! glad you liked it~ <333
(no subject) - oldwillow_brook on August 24th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ll_smiles_ll on August 23rd, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
omg...my head is spinning now.

psychotic!su...scares me! it went so well too...waaahhh how scary! i've got goosebumps and MY HEAD IS STILL SPINNING! argh! what have you done to me?! i'm scared shitless now! >.<
ll_smiles_ll on August 23rd, 2008 08:23 pm (UTC)
i should really read the a/ns and warnings next time...
-_-"
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ycsbrain on August 23rd, 2008 08:52 pm (UTC)
whoa...hella dark and angsty and gore...y

i loved it :DDD
ケイト: DBSK // Kim Jaejoong // Balls LMAOkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
that's what i was aiming for. ^______^

thank you for reading~! i'm glad you liked it~ ♥
why_sabzwhy_sabz on August 24th, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
(keep calm) i would never expect that for a ending.... it's so intrigueing, OMG!!! i mean, junsu's phycho!!!
i'm scared for jae, please leave~ junu's gonna do something to you!!! (sorry, had to say that)
i love this but it's scary (hehe)
♥ ♥ ♥
ケイト: SuJu // HanChul // *glompz*keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
i wonder what will happen to jae? XDDD

thank you for reading bb~! glad you liked it. :3 ♥
☆ wish upon them: DBSK: all I want is.firelights on August 24th, 2008 12:44 am (UTC)
Kate. Wow. That was so intense. *_* I'm really, really impressed, and I liked it a lot! Evil!Junsu... I don't know if I should be scared of him or feel sorry for him. :(

ケイト: DBSK // Park Yoochunkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
ja;lskdjf navneeeet~ *cuddles* that means a lot coming from you since u-know that i am a fan of your writing. <333

i'm glad you liked it~! *o* ♥
[Land Min's UFO's Here]toma_love on August 24th, 2008 12:51 am (UTC)
i love stories in which junsu has a creepy as hell hidden agenda... and it had started off so innocent too, that's sexy in itself my love. can't wait for more of your dbsk work =]
ケイト: DBSK // Choikang Changminkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
kyaaaa~ ^///^ glad you liked it~! thank you for reading bb~ ♥
(Deleted comment)
ケイト: DBSK // Boojaekeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
thank YOU for reading and commenting. ^_^♥
teddysulilbrattie on August 24th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
very intense :D

ME LOVE PSYCHO!SU <33
ケイト: DBSK // everybody wants some chunpie.keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
psycho!su just wants to be loved, y/y? ♥

thank you for reading~! :3
(Deleted comment)
ケイト: DBSK // Rising Gods from the Eastkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
gah. thank you! ^///^ i'm glad you liked it. <3
germaineugermaineu on August 24th, 2008 06:04 am (UTC)
OMG!!! RUN JOONGIE!!!!
that was so incredibly awesome! im practically shaking right now cause that was just so ......WOW!!
physco!Su is is so freakin awesome!!!
ケイト: DBSK // Leader-shiikeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
^///^ thank you for reading~! <3
~♥Hope to the End. Always Keep the Faith♥~chloe1910 on August 24th, 2008 06:37 am (UTC)
Good Grief..Junsu is bloody scary here...
ケイト: DBSK // Jae // Tkeight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
heehee. he is kinda creepy, isn't he? XD

thank you for reading bb~ <3
yoosu_4eva on August 24th, 2008 07:58 am (UTC)
lol
I really like this story =__=
yep, Junsu was smiling..
Smiling when his father left him
Smiling when his brother moved out...
But who know how hurt he was? T____T
Poor Su....
They'd have happied if Yoochun's faithful T____T



By the way, hm, I'd like to translate this story and share it with my friend wit probably credit YOU!
Will you... plz?

T__T
ケイト: DBSK // YooSu // bite me.keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:14 pm (UTC)
all the hurt built up through the years and no one saw it coming. ;o;

glad you liked it~! :D

ooooh~! you can translate it just PLEASE credit me okie? i'm pretty proud of this fic since it's my first time writing something like this. it's my baby. heehee. can you link me to the translated version once you finish it? and what language will it be? ^_^
(no subject) - yoosu_4eva on August 25th, 2008 06:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 25th, 2008 09:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - yoosu_4eva on August 25th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - keight_michelle on August 26th, 2008 11:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
ara_nieyara_niey on August 24th, 2008 08:54 am (UTC)
oh god~
that is so sick!~

poor su..
but-
wouldn't chun supposed to be dead since he had lost lots of blood?0_______0
ケイト: DBSK // Jae // so pretty~keight_michelle on August 24th, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
aaah~ he's still hanging on for dear life. i suppose he'll be dead in a few hours or so. XDDD

thank you for reading~! :D